For Consideration (and honesty, and patience)

I wrote my own interpretation/ reaction to this poem, which I may post at a later time, but for now, I'd like to share it for your own reflection. You may gain much from giving it time and honest consideration. Enjoy...

To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time -Robert Herrick

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today,
Tomorrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he's a-getting
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he's to setting .

That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may, go marry;
For having lost but once your prime,
You may forever tarry.

Tragedy of False Comedy

The truth is, my heart is broken. May I sing "Will I lose my dignity? will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?" and then watch others forfeit their dignity before my eyes and not feel heartbroken? The bell tolls for me, too- theirs is my pain and my loss. I mean theatre. Something so simple, so un-important ("oh, is that all?") yes? But not. In it, as in all poesy, is life... and I feel we have lost sight of the -dignity we even might have- that we even might wish to have. Why should I not feel heartbroken? 

To say what I really mean, I turn to Sir Philip Sidney. 

"Only this much is now to be said, that the comedy is the imitation of the common errors of our life, which he (comedy) representeth in the most ridiculous and scornful sort that may be, so as it is impossible that any beholder can be content to be such a one. Now, as in geometry the oblique must be known as well as the right, and in arithmetic the odd as well as the even, so in the actions of our life who seeth not the filthiness of evil wanteth (lacks) a great foil* to perceive the beauty of virtue...whereto yet nothing can more open his eyes than to find his own actions contemptibly set forth." (Though, of course, to truly succeed in comedy, the "poets" creating it must understand this as the the aim of their work- and not merely enjoy the baseness of they mirror they hold, which due to lack of any true understanding, is devoid even any actual or intentionally-placed roots of applicability to the viewer!) ..."But our comedians think there is no delight without laughter; which is very wrong...for delight we scarcely do but in things that have a conveniencey(agreement, correspondence) to ourselves or to the general nature.... I speak to this purpose, that in the end of all the comical part be not upon such scornful matters as stir laughter only, but, mixed with it, that delightful teaching which is the end (aim, purpose, goal) of poesy. And the great fault even in that point of laughter...is that they stir laughter in sinful things, which are rather execrable (wretched) than ridiculous, or in miserable, which are rather to be pitied than scorned." (From The Defense of Poesy) 

foil: a character who, through contrast, emphasizes the characteristics of another character.

 I chose this picture for the Beauty it reminds me of.  Images, realities like this, are gifts of clarity to remind of the passion, beauty, and dignity, and potential of our lives ~

"History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people." 
               -Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."
              - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Do Not Be Afraid

Life is complex, beautiful, awful, terrifying, miraculously fulfilling. I am awed by the potential of hope when I experience it, and my goal is to encounter it on a daily basis as a part of the method of actually living my life. I don't want to settle. And I don' want to give up either. 

"Non avere paura- di cosa cercati esiste." That is completely wrong, I know, but it is all I can remember from a T-shirt I saw in Italy: "Do not be afraid: what you are searching for exists." Even if I can't find it, or even if I can't contain it all at once, it does exist, and that, for now, is cause for hope, and even excitement, and even joy. 

So in the meantime, shower and goodnight. 

"You are not alone. No one is alone." -Into the Woods 

Rest in a Moment of Hope

I could not possibly be more blessed, or thankful, for the support, and kindness, and love, and wisdom I am surrounded with. 

Something is aroused within you and you must hearken to it. This takes the greatest courage and will to allow yourself to receive the largest rewards - of not looking ahead to the next moment in fear for the unknown, but to REST in this moment where you know you are safe, and loved, and happy.

That was what I wrote last night. Let me try again, quickly, to see if I can be more clear (if more drawn out)...

After great despair and heaviness, you are given great hope through immensely graceful love and words of kindness and wisdom bestowed upon your ear, and it seems it is a message from God, a single beam of light that lights up your world. For a moment. You hear the music. Everything seems okay. -And that's alright- Don't look ahead. Don't remind yourself that more problems will come, that you still have a whole journey to make it through, that each day brings trials and problems and challenges and growth and often pain or confusion or difficult decisions. Yes...this is true. But don't force yourself to look ahead to those unknown times to come! Rest in a moment of hope. It is okay to hope. You must allow yourself to hope. 

"You are only at the end of one question mark of your life. You're going to keep changing, growing, discovering, exploring. Right now you're in such a strained, difficult environment, it's hard to know what to do with yourself...We all go through these awful, awkward stages in our lives... Your life feels topsy-turvy right now; nothing makes sense and everything seems to be working against you, but I feel content in my heart right now that things will work out for the better." 

Thank you. I won't look ahead. I'll try not to be afraid. I'll try to rest. I'll hold to hope. 

Goodnight 

www.stolaf.edu/people/ murphye/hyperpoem/sun.html

Sorry.

Psalm 43:5: ‘Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God."

Dejavu 

Oh my gosh. I feel like this happened before. Every little detail of what happened and wanting to write this sentence, and thinking I did it in Italy, and saying "even looking for the quotes." 

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. 
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness. 
Martin Luther King, Jr.

(and how much less I have to be bitter about than the man who wrote those words!) 

Nonviolence is a powerful and just weapon. which cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals. 
Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him. 
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. 
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive at that goal. 
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Things about myself I do not like: 

-I feel relieved when someone I dislike is looked on negatively 

-I have become OK with DISliking someone; I never seek out the good in them 

-I feel insecure when people interpret me as afraid, holding back, or having some sort of problem ; I resent negative comments about myself 

-I'm treating this semester like my "last" everything, and so I think I have the right to be able to enjoy things how I want them. In a way, it is my "last," but it's not the last of my LIFE 

I want to chill out. I want to enjoy. I want to be happy. I want to not be angry. I want to not feel hurt and disreguarded. I want to get along with people. I want to not have to deal with so much...confusion. I hate how I feel right now.

I'm going to bed.

(sorry).

          alwaysnewmistakes.wordpress.com/.../

To Give Thanks :)

Two beautiful days. How thankful I am that I was gifted with such greatness :)

Yesterday:long-desired hot-dogs; swinging in the fresh air; a long walk in the sunset- the sweet gift of sharing and listening (I pretty much occupied myself with the first part, and I thank you); sitting to watch a burning sunset of orange and pink pastels streaking from the horizon...

Side note: Andrew said pastel means "cake" in Spanish, which -for some reason- immediately caused me to imagine coloring a blank white cake with colored pastels. "I'm going to eat this pastel-" "No! It really is pastel!" ;D 

                    

... Fun, yummy dinner with lots of laughter; amazingly fun time of board games 

Side Note #2: For those interested to know, you would be most likely to find a grapefruit in Texas, the "mouse" is the only rodent-named item of a computer, and you do not use dice when playing hopscotch! -From "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Junior ;D ) 

Side Note #3: Not only did I win "Scrabble" for the first time in my life, but I learned that a foon is an eating utensil that combines a fork and a spoon. Furthermore, it is an item VVHS students who regularly brave the cafeteria line should be well-familiar with since  it seems to be the utensil of choice, probably owing to the money it saves APS by reducing the need to buy both spoons AND forks, which would be very inconvenient (for them) considering they serve extremely miss-matched, multi-ethnic foods which often include both liquids and solids (such as green beans, corn bread, and Chinese orange chicken) all in the course of one day's lunch. (  Learned many other words but they all seem to have slipped from the section of information my mind is cabable of retaining at the moment- though I feel certain I would recognize them in context ;) )

Moving on to today,  Andrew treated my family to a simply DELECTABLE (delightful; highly pleasing; enjoyable; delicious) breakfast which he made (with my encouraging back-up help-though encouraging doesn't make the rolls I made any less burnt- and my mom's skillful, speedy advice and assistance). The menu consisted of a pre-breakfast appetizer of a scrumptious fruit salad composed of cantaloupe, mandarin oranges, blueberries, apples, and kiwi, and a main course of 13 eggs frothily churned with precisely-proportioned milk and cheeze, perfectly crisp hashbrowns (hand-graded, de-moisturized, buttered, and carefully-watched and flipped by the chef himself), burnt but buono biscuits bought and baked by yours truly, and orange juice- a whole two liters of it, consumed to the last drop.  Simply scrumptious, and as filled with love as it was flavor  :)

A productive day made lethargic by the gloomy weather but taken advantage of through homework diligence and priceless massages of great comfort and care. A WONDERFUL dinner with my family -creamy chicken and spinach over white rice, with apple juice and toasted croissants =). And now: an over-ly done but quite enjoyable blogging session that is much more interesting than simply writing in a journal (thanks to the use of pictures, colored fonts, and the much-appreciated support of readers like you!), and RAIN ~

I will go now to lie peacefully and listen to its refreshing music of falling. As Andrew encouragingly posted a few days ago, so I repeat now in deep hopes that it will prove true:

"Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely." -Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Picture Credits 

pastels: pebblestorm.com/2008/ 11/29/sketch-evolution/ 

cake: babyparenting.about.com

foon: threeordinaryguys.com/ shop/index.php?main_pag...

scrabble pillows: bedzine.com

Spirit of Adventure

I watched "UP" tonight with Melanie, and though it made me cry, and left me feeling overall sad... I guess I also learned a lot. 

After telling Carl about his special time of eating ice cream and playing the count-the-car-game with his dad, Russell said, "It may sound boring but...it's the boring stuff that I remember the most." Something like that. I guess I really don't have much to say. That, to me, is a wonderful truth. It was the "small, boring stuff" that filled Ellie's and Carl's life together. Sorry; I don't mean to take it so seriously, I mean I know it's just a cartoon...but at the same time, I felt tonight that what it was actually showing was the meaning of life. Ellie was happy with her life, satisfied, not regretful or sad or upset- she didn't get to go on any big adventures...but the real adventure was living their "normal" lives day after day. They did it together.  Their lives were filled with love, and that was enough; they were happy. 

Not only is it a love story, but it's a life story. At one of the lowest points in the movie, when Carl has to throw everything out of his house so it will float again, Mel and I both appreciated the symbolism of having to let go in order to move on. He hadn't really said goodbye to Ellie, yet; he was filled with nastalgia and fear; he surrounded himself with memmories, but he stopped living his own life. 

I know I do that: surround myself with nostalgic memmories of times when everything felt okay. Or feel completely lost without my "things," my "house," the symbols of my security, that the thought of facing the future without them makes me feel hopeless and lost. 

I do feel a bit lost right now, on the whole. It's easy to feel lost when you think about the future too much. A day is going "badly," and I feel overwhelmed with all that I have to do, and I feel like I'm losing all my securities, and the storm is popping all my baloons and nothing is going according to my plan- then to think of days ahead, 1 day, 5 days, 2 weeks, a few months, a year, 10 years... it's a bad idea; it can seem a bit hopless and terribly heartbreaking if you happen to feel alone when you "project" into how your life may end up.  What a foolish thing to do. 

(This picture doesn't have to do with any idea in particular- I just think it's really cool/cute- and I want to see them and take a picture with them! With Andrew, Brian, Areli, Jessica, Rachel, and Anthony! :') )