In the Name of Trying: My Plan

School is starting again and I figured I might not be the only one, afterall, who ends up feeling lonely when I get home. With extremely intensified personal anxieties and sadness this semester due to the unchangeable fact that it is my last at Volcano Vista, this is an attemt to try to curb the tendancy towards depression, try to make progress and keep track of the journey, and to try to not feel so alone as I do so. By "make progress" I mean that I'm trying to change the way I live: be more honest to myself, and take time to focus on "this moment" as each one comes, so that I can enjoy the goodness in my life with less fear.

My plan is simple:

1) Take/make time each morning to remember my own existance
(Being aware of your own existance can be fearful, even hopeless. But in face of your own responsibility to yourself, as a person, you are also given an amazing opprtunity: to do the best you can with what you have, in whatever way it comes to you. And in that possibility, the unknown does not need to be something you fear- it can be sunlight, filled with hope. )

2. Get home and finnish homework as soon as possible; get what I need done out of the way without procrastination. (For this, I need a clean, organized workspace -my desk-, a single spot where I can feel settled in mind and spirit to simply focus, work, and get it done).

3. Time managed well will give me more time in the afternoons to do things I need or want to do, such as: rake my backyard, read books, go for runs, paint shelves, and especially, visit friends. (NOTE: STEP 3 IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE DURING THE PRESSURE OF REHEARSAL SCHEDULES, BUT I BELIEVE THE SAME BASIC PRINCIPLE APPLIES ;) )

4. Reflect on my day, in my personal journal or on this blog, or both; whatever I need to do to truly make the most of each day, as best I can.

5. Get to bed on time; give my body the sleep I need.

6. Resume step 1. The proccess may seem repetitive, but the point is that through awareness of my own life (my own moments) and the way I live them, I can find ways in which I can improve as a person (for my own betterment, growth, sanity, and happiness, and hopefully for the benefit of those around me, as well).

This may seem extremely dull already, so I don't blame you if you don't care to follow me in my continued journey of moments. I do invite you to stay, though. Both when we are together and appart, you- dear family and friends in my life- are the ones who give my moments such joy, and thus, give my life reason. THANK YOU ~

I cannot live if I am not able to live in the moments- I will never learn satisfaction (I will live in fear of the future and miss all the beauty around me NOW); I will never truly live in freedom. So I am learning how to live, and it takes practice. Each day I must remind myself what I am trying to do, and how (:relax, focus, enjoy, give!). :)

QUOTES FROM THE MOVEMENT -------------------
"By means of these circumstances, the Mystery (God) wants to rouse us from this anesthetic, to educate us to the awareness of ourselves, to our truth. He awakens us to the awareness for which we were made. He does not allow us to go toward nothingness without caring about us because of His passion for our life, which is the most powerful sign of God's tenderness for us..."

P.S.
I plan to officially begin blogging on Tuesday, January 5th. There was something else I think I was going to tell you but I can't remember. :)
P.S. # 2
AHH YES, I remember now: for those curious to know (all those who are NOT, turn back now and save yourself a rather flabbergasted next couple of minutes as you try to read and understand the following paragraph)... "verbocious" is a word that currently comes up as misspelled, which is probably because when you look it up in a dictionary it does not actually exist, but which Andrew long ago informed me is used to mean something along the lines of: "talks too much and is outstandingly wordy" (or something like that). Or else, perhaps I am just entirely foolish and that never was the word, nor the spelling of the word to begin with, in which case 1) Andrew, at whatever point he decides, if he does decide, to read this, will probably be laughing at my explicit incapability to remember and/or spell correctly, and 2) it's too late now because that is already the link to this site you are currently reading!. Even if it is, however, a made-up word due to entirely silly friends, frankly unavoidable misunderstandings, blissful foolishness , or all of the aforementioned conditions put together, you must agree that it remains, nevertheless, altogether too accurate a term- and thus it stands that "www.verbocious.blogspot.com" is the address to this rather- if you'll oblige me- VERBOCIOUS blog! ;D